The Ghost Galleon (1974)
(aka Horror of the Zombies)
(aka El buque maldito)
Director: Amando de Ossorio
1.5 / 5 zedheads
So, Amando de Ossorio already had two "Blind Dead" films under his belt by 1974. The first film was a mildly interesting horror film about flesh-eating and blood-drinking mummifies with Satantic longevity. The second film was a far more ambitious and impressive retcon of the Knights' origins with plenty of horse-riding, mummified Knights that butcher villagers. How do you follow that up?
Bring the Blind Dead to Manhattan? No, that's too far away from the production offices in Europe. Put the Blind Dead in space? No budget for those sets or effects. Oh, I don't know. Put'em on a boat?
"Blind Dead on a boat,
They're on a boat
Everybody look at them
'Cause they're sailing on a boat"
And so we get the weakest film in the Blind Dead series: The Ghost Galleon. Noemi (Barbara Rey) is a bikini model worried about the disappearance of her friend, a fellow model. When she confronts her boss Lillian (Maria Perschy), Noemi finds out that her friend has been hired by Howard Tucker (Jack Taylor), a wealthy entrepreneur, and Lillian for a publicity stunt. Noemi's friend has been hired to sit out in the ocean on a new brand of pleasure boat and pretend to be stranded in hopes of being found by passing ships. The rescue of a beautiful girl, they figure, will generate headlines and publicity for the boat. No, it doesn't make much sense, but stranger publicity stunts have happened.
I'm on a boat motherfucker, take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Sleepy is the optimal word to describe Ghost Galleon. The film starts slow and never really picks up much pace. The ship sets look very convincing and atmospheric, but barely anything ever happens on it. No shuffle board. No buffets. What a shitty cruise.
|Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat|
You can't stop me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat
|Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker|
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker
|I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo|
If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me, oh
Get the fuck up, this boat is real
But, hey, at least you get to see the Blind Dead on a boat.
"Blind Dead on a boat, they're on a boat
Take a good hard look
At the motherfucking boat"